I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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