wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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