I molested 6 butterflies tonight
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
