I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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