I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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