come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
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You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Who died my cat blue again?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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