At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
