Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
