im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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