Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
