I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
