Non-Jews are for practice
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
