I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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