he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
