That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
