i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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