My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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