I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
