i was born a porn star she said
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize