Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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