I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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