They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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