Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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