She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
