Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it's like iHOP with fire
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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