glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
