This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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