woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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