Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
