My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
