conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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