I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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