remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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