i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
