hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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