Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's shark week go big or go home
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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