So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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