you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
