After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
