If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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