the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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