forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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