I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
How's work?
Spinning.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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