Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
