New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
