I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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