Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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