i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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