you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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