Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
