just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
