If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
