So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
