We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
