See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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