ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
what day is it and did you see me today?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
