don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize