I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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