no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
