two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The Olympian is in my bed
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
