The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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