i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
