Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
