"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
