can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
lets start a swedish sibling band together
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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