no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
