we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
